A huge difference in the way I move about my life compared to before - for example, being present in each moment and task and interaction, and in between, walking with the subtext of mindfulness of my next task, versus before it was more like “don’t hurt me don’t hurt me - oh god get out of sight quick quick quick…”
A more detailed example - as I walked to my bedroom from the shower, my mind was on “music, bed, body oil, get dressed,” whereas before in my life it would have been a frantic, slightly panicked “get out of sight quickly - don’t hurt me - please don’t look at me don’t talk to me,” but a more abstract and subconscious version of that.
Or during something that I’m doing - any given thing, any given interaction, I’m present in that task or interaction, versus before, I would kind of feel this “it hurts, it hurts, please just make it stop,” tugging at my heart, keeping me from being present in that moment.
I have been through a lot of trauma, and I have taken many steps to take good care of myself and heal that trauma, including careful examination of my accumulated history, extensive therapy methods and guided meditation.
Today I feel that I’m able to live, and do what I want with my life, and thrive, and not just survive, cause most of my life I have kind of been in survival mode, whether I consciously knew it or not.
Well that is pretty personal, but I thought I would share it! Thank you for reading.